I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
