I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
