there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
