WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
