Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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