You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
