the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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