can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
