So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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