Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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