K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
