Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
