Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
