I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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