This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
