Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
