ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
