dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
