It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
