At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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