cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
