I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
