Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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