Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
