He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
