Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
