I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
