so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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