that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
