im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
