I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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