I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
