Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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