pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
