No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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