do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
