; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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