What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
