I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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