Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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