we have pet lesbian snakes
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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