i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
