i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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