I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
