I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
