I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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