I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
