I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
