Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
