was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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